i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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