I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
