I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
