Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
