Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
