I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
