Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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