she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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