Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
