i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
