Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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