I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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