you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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