Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
