You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
