Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
