He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
