a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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