She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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