getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize