I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
