She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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