she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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