I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Two words: blizzard sex
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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