I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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