WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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