one might say we're banned from that church
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
