I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
