Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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