Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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