guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
