Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
