her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
