no. you can't hotbox the world.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
