At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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