blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
