now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
