Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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