hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
