I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How does it feel to date your dad?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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