In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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