Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
