Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
MIDGETS
????
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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