I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
