Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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