He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
