Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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