She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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