My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
