tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I want a musical about memes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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