we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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