I think my vagina is haunted
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
