My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
