I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
