SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
