Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
