Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
