Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
