There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
