My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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