Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
