I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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