Please, let me fuck your mom
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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