Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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