If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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