Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
