I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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