Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
