I think my vagina is haunted
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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