The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
