I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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