addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
