i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
