As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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