miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
