Can Purell be used as lube?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
