just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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