i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
